The Sin
by Trinity Is God
Summary: Kirsten gets pregnant, and she doesn't know who the father is... A Cohen family event...
1. A Confession

_New Story. (**Yes** it will be**more then one shot** - how manyI have yet to determine.)_

_Woo. Yes I swear, I'm working on Rhyme or Reason, its just taking longer then I thought._

_Thanks to Dulcy for her inspiring help. _

_Small authors note: out of all the people who have me on author alert, 10 of you review my one shot, and maybe 15 of you review the last chapter of RED Friday in which how many of you begged for the end? Seriously, if this keeps up, I will quit writing, because if you all think I write so that i can read my own stuff time and time again, y'all got some thinking to do. So if I was you, i would hit that little review button down there._

_But a HUGE THANK YOU, goes to the people who do take the time to review, who do constantly review my stories and tell me what they like or what they dislike. _

_THANK YOU. All of you._

_And for you lurkers out there, I see you. _

XxXxX

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me_

_Still can't find what keeps me here_

_When all this time I've been so hollow inside_

_I know you're still there_

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you, loving you_

_I know I'll find you somehow_

_Hunting you I can smell you - alive_

_Your heart pounding in my head_

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_I won't let you pull me down. _

Evanescence, Haunted.

XxXxX

Sandy was at work, trying to get his law firm up and running. He kissed her forehead this morning along with her shoulders and neck. She shivered and smiled at him.

He told her he loved her before he left.

She had thrown up this morning and this afternoon again.

She decided to take a pregnancy test for the hell of it. It's probably just a touch of the flu anyway.

She stares at the pregnancy test as it stares back at her with a huge, pink positive.

It's a slap to the face.

Now what was she going to do?

XxXxX

Three Weeks Ago…

_They were at a hotel, Kirsten, Julie, Carter and the firm, celebrating the launch and success of Julie's magazine, Newport Living. _

_She goes to the restroom, and he slips away, following her. _

_He waits until she reemerges before pushing her back into the restroom, locking the door behind him. _

_She's drunk._

_He's more than inebriated. _

_It was a mistake. _

_Yet she doesn't stop it. _

_Her eyes are wide as she knows what's about to happen. _

_She doesn't stop him, not even a hand to the chest, not even a turn of her head. _

_She lets him kiss her. _

_He kisses her hungrily and she kisses him back, unbuttoning his shirt, unbuckling his belt, and he's quick enough to get that expensive, silky dress she is wearing up over her hips. _

_It's so wrong._

_It's such a sin._

_Yet she doesn't stop. _

_Carter's blue eyes roamed over her perfectly toned body with the desire of a madman. His kisses were ravenous and urgent and hers were just as burning. His hands pressed against the flatness of her stomach before wandering up and down tightly against her sensitive body. His hands guide her and she lets him take control. _

_This was a mistake. _

_And yet she couldn't stop herself. _

_She couldn't stop herself from kissing him back._

_She couldn't stop herself from touching his muscular body. _

_She couldn't stop herself from moaning when he kissed her in the right places. _

_Because at some point she had wanted this too. But now that it's here and she is doing this she wishes she could take it back, but it's to late now. _

_His hands traced over her bare shoulders, down into her hair entangling his hands with it, pulling her insolently close to him, crushing his larger body upon hers. His hands roaming the fabric, her skin, anywhere he can touch her, he does. _

_His eyes are wild, passionate, driven. His pupils are dilated _

_It was so diverse, so not what she was used to, so strange it made her feel uncanny. _

_The kisses weren't soft and tender, they weren't slow and affectionate filled with love and passion. _

_These were ragged, hurried, as if the world was ending. _

_Strange. _

_Unfamiliar. _

_Frightening. _

_Sandy. _

_No, Carter. _

_His hands were everywhere, touching all of her at once, down her shoulders, over her breasts, up her hips, down her stomach, over her breastbone, around her collarbone, back down her stomach, over her ribs, down her thighs. _

_Rapid._

_Heated._

_Hurried. _

_It was not the slow, tender pace of her husbands, with soft kisses placed where she always enjoyed them. _

_This was not lovemaking._

_This was erratic-so-wrong-flat-out-sex. _

_In a bathroom, of an elite hotel. _

_This is something that Julie would do, not her. _

_And this was something Kirsten Cohen, married for twenty years, and was not used to. _

"_I've wanted you for so long," he whispered to her and she felt like gagging, but she didn't, she smiled and said she wanted him too. _

"_You're so beautiful," he whispers and she smiles quickly before he kisses her again hungrily. _

_She knows._

_Sandy tells her all the time. _

_And then, it's over. _

_She cheated on her husband without batting an eye. _

_It's only when Carter leans his forehead against hers, his breathing coming in harsh gasps that she realizes what she has done. Tipsy, drunk or not, it's no excuse. _

"_Oh God, I have to go." _

"_Kirsten, just…wait, let's talk about this." _

_As she gathers herself, smoothes down her clothes, her hair, glancing at her makeup, she glares angrily at him, "There is nothing to talk about! This was a mistake!" _

_A few sprays of perfume, and she looks as good as new._

_She hopes._

_She hopes she doesn't look like married woman who just got screwed in a fancy hotel's restroom. _

_He squints at her his blue eyes angered by the very thought._

'_Oh God, what do I do?'_

_She meets up with Sandy seconds later as he's waiting for her a concerned smile on his handsome features, "Hey you okay?" _

_His arm goes around her waist and she shivers. _

"_I'm fine, let's go home okay?" _

_She kisses him, hard. _

_He grins at her, "Whatever you say." _

XxXxX

Three Weeks ago, later that night.

_She is sitting at the table she has near the window, staring out at the endless night and the life that she has suddenly destroyed in ten minutes. _

_Sandy's sleeping, after making love to her that night. _

_She feels so dirty, so inconsolable. _

_He tried asking her what was wrong and she just claimed she was tired._

_But she couldn't stop thinking about it. _

_His eyes, alight, excited, energized._

_His soft hands, roaming everywhere. _

_The way he said her name. _

_KirstenKirstenKirstenKirstenKirsten. _

_The way his rough stubble grazes her cheek, her neck, her shoulders. _

'_Goddamnit! Carter!' _

_She wants to yell, and in fact she is sitting quietly drinking a Jack and coke. _

_Sandy is sleeping quietly and she wants nothing more then to curl up against him, and forget what she did tonight. _

_But her restless mind will not let her. It refuses to let go. _

_It won't let her rest tonight. _

'_Mistake.' _

'_You made a huge mistake.'_

'_Mistake.' _

'_You made a mistake.'_

'_Mistake.'_

'_You can't take it back.' _

'_Mistake.'_

'_What do you do now?'_

_She finishes her drink, takes a quick shower and takes heartbroken comfort in the arms where she has only found comfort. _

XxXxX

She is nervous as she sits down restless on her couch, almost instinctively her hand rests over her stomach, and her mind conscious of the living being inside of her.

Her teeth are chattering, her nerves on edge. Her heart is pounding in her chest and her stomach is having a field day with the butterflies that have suddenly taken up residency.

She has to tell him, now, because she knows she cannot bring this child into the world without knowing its father, whoever that may be.

She knows whose she hopes it is.

She prays it's her husbands.

Why now?

Why all of this now?

She decides to call Carter, and tell him. She dials his number. She has been distant with him ever since 'they' happened. Her mistake, which has turned undoubtedly into something much larger then she could handle.

She could do _it _again. She could get rid of this child like she had one other time, long ago.

But she flinches despite herself, knowing she can't handle the pain, the loss, the emptiness all over again.

She can't.

She won't.

She will deal with this.

Just the thought of doing that makes the bile rise in her throat.

She puts the phone back on the hook, hanging up as soon as she hears his friendly, "Hello?"

Almost instantly the phone rings and she jumps. She's so nervous.

She knows it's him.

She swallows as she answers timidly, dreading hearing his voice.

"Kirsten?"

"Carter."

"Umm, well, what's up?"

She can tell he's smiling.

"Look, we need to talk…"

"Now? Do you want to meet?"

"Carter, I'm pregnant."

She hears a soft thump and she knows he just dropped the phone.

"Carter?"

"Umm, sorry. What? I must have misheard you."

'_I wish.'_

"I'm _pregnant _Carter."

"I'm the father?" His voice carries disbelief and something else which she can't quite place.

"I don't know…"

He pauses, "Well if I'm not then…"

And he shuts up quickly. She wonders what he is thinking right now. She wonders how puzzled he must look, how strangely difficult all this is to process.

He must think she is such a dirty woman right now.

"I see. What…what should I do?"

"Nothing Carter! Absolutely nothing."

'_I want you to forget about everything and move to Alaska.' _

"If this child is mine, I want to be a part of its life!" his voice rises, he's angered by the thought that he would simply stand aside.

'_He would say that.' _

"Carter…" she pleads.

"You never told him, have you? You would never have said anything would you? God, Kirsten, it happened! _WE_ happened!"

"THERE IS NO WE, CARTER! Do you have any idea how this is going to change my life, Sandy's life? Seth and Ryan's life? I spent twenty years building this life and now it's destroyed because of one mistake!"

"It wasn't a mistake to me, I'll never think of it that way, ever."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK!"

"I'm sorry…" he whispered into the phone and she realizes that she is trembling, hard. So hard she can barely hold the phone and the tremors that run through her body have her teeth chattering so wildly she has to clench her jaw to stop them.

"Me too, please I have to go, don't call; don't do anything until you hear from me again. Please?"

There is an eerie silence and finally, "I won't… Kirsten, are you okay?"

"I'm scared…" her voice is soft and compassionate, but firm. "I have to go."

She hangs up and wipes away a tear that runs down her heated cheek.

Why couldn't she have said no?

Sighing, she prepares for the battle that has yet to come.

XxXxX

He came home later that evening, exhausted, worn and weary. He had been in court all day, he looked every bit of exhausted but happy.

There was a smile on his face in which she hadn't seen in a long time, a light, a startling fire in his eyes which she hadn't seen in forever.

She was sitting on the couch when he came over and kissed the top of her head before moving down to kiss her lips.

She kissed him back softly, and looked deep into his soulful, loving eyes knowing that once she let out this information they would never look at her the same way.

Never.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, glancing at her puzzled features before loosening his tie.

"I… I have to tell you something," her voice is shaking and so are her hands.

He turns to her, fear installed on his face. "What? Did something happen, are the boys okay? Are you okay?"

"I'm pregnant."

She cringes and bites her bottom lip waiting for his sure to be ecstatic reaction.

A smile creeps up his face and he's excited.

"Honey… that's…it's wonderful!" He kisses her softly and pulls her into a deep embrace.

"Sandy? There is more, and I need you to hear it. God, I never thought… I'm sorry. Okay? I just want you to know that. I'm so sorry."

He looks at her puzzled as her tears start to come down her face.

"Please, Sandy. I need you to know how sorry I am. I need you to know I can't do this without you."

She pleads with him, her hand gripping his like her life depends on it.

"I don't…? I don't understand. Sorry about what honey?"

"It might not be yours Sandy," her voice is so low that he has to strain to hear it.

It takes a few seconds for his mind to react.

Carter.

He freezes. Can't move, can't breathe.

He lets go of her hand. Her skin is fire, it's untouchable and it's burning him.

His face goes ashen. The worst has happened.

His eyes go wide. The pupils constrict because of the massive amount of air that suddenly rushes to them.

He sees Carter kissing her. He sees Carter running his hands up and down her body. He sees Carter's mouth upon hers. He sees her moaning at his touch. He sees her calling Carter's name. He sees her writhing when he hits those sensitive spots. He sees Carter running a hand along a bare thigh. He sees Kirsten laughing with Carter. He sees Carter calling her name. He sees Kirsten giving Carter that special smile. He sees Kirsten clinging to Carter. He sees Carter exploring her body.

It's too much. Carter with Kirsten. It's so much.

He takes a deep, gasping breath. His lungs want to explode. His head wants to explode.

He feels like dying, right now at this very moment, his life is ending, one gulping breath at a time.

He pulls away from her. He can't look at her because he will crumble, his defenses will fall.

"What? When? WHY?"

He rounds on her, resentment in his voice.

She flinches at the anger in his voice.

"Sandy, it was a mistake, I had to much to drink, God I'm so sorry."

"WHO DID YOU FUCK KIRSTEN?" The resentment seeps from his voice. He needs conformation. He wants it, he demands it. He wants her to say his name.

She flinches as he has never said that word to her ever before. "Carter," she hoarsely whispers.

He closes his eyes. CARTER.

He can see her calling Carter's name.

His eyes flash open and he is more pissed then she has ever seen him in twenty years.

"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" His voice booms and echoes in the vastness of their living room.

"At the party, three weeks ago," her body is trembling and he wants to comfort her but he can't. He can't even bring himself to move anywhere but away from her. She is giving him this sad puppy dog eyed look and he knows she regrets it.

But he can't forget and he can't forgive.

"WHAT! Jesus CHRIST KIRSTEN! WE'RE ADULTS, NOT TEENAGERS! YOU WERE DRUNK? THAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!"

No longer does the look of love radiate from his eyes, from his body. No longer does he even want to be near her.

"God, you know something? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS REALLY HYPOCRITICAL OF YOU? You, you always had this HUGE fear of me cheating on you. ALWAYS, and yet it's always you. You and Jimmy, now THIS? YOU SLEPT WITH CARTER! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT? AT THE PARTY? AT A HOTEL? WHILE I WAS THERE? HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF IT? DO YOU NOT LOVE ME? AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

It's those words that hurt her more then anything so far.

"Sandy, I love you, I'm so sorry."

One look from him and she doesn't say another word. He pauses, opens his mouth and clenches his jaw tightly.

"The night we came home from the party we… but you and Carter…Oh, Jesus..."

He's put two and two together now. He feels sick. He needs out. He needs a drink, or something, whatever it is he needs to get out.

He is so livid with rage that she is frightened of him. She wishes he would do something other then just stand there, frozen in one spot; jaw clenched so tight his teeth grind together.

Suddenly a vase flew across the room, smashing into the wall. He grabbed a picture of the two of them, smiling and happy and flung it into the wall.

She winces as it crashes. A soft sob escapes. She can't help it.

It shattered.

Just like her heart.

Just like she had shattered his heart.

He stood, looking at her, anger upon his face, anger in every breath he was taking.

He hated her, she could see it.

"Sandy…" her voice is pleading with him, soft and begging. _Please don't leave me._

"DON'T… Just... Just don't," he holds up his hand as his blue eyes flash wildly. "I can't talk to you right now, I … I can't even look at you. I need to go cool off before I say or do something stupid," he walks out the door, no jacket, nothing.

The door slams. She jumps despite herself.

No more "I love you's."

She's never felt so alone.

XxXxX


	2. Dealing

Woo. Arent you guys freaking awesome? Now tell me, can you do it again? I think so.

NO LURKING! There is a reason they give you that review button!

I enjoy writing this story, its so much fun to play with.

XxXxX

_They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'_

_-Cold Mountain. _

XxXxX

She didn't know how he was going to react in the first place, a part of her hoped that maybe he might be okay with it – but that part of her knew it was just a dream.

She was left alone, in her kitchen, her body reeling from shock. She trembled in ways she didn't even think possible. It started from her stomach, the cold aching realization as it hit her.

_He was gone. _

_He left her. _

_It was her fault. _

From there it riveted icily up to her chest, and her throat, gasping as she tried to swallow the lump that now resided there.

Her hands shook so hard she wouldn't be able to get a glass of water without sloshing it from the rim of the glass. Finally, the ultimate breakdown happened and her body trembles so hard her teeth rattled and her vision shook before her.

She was scared and now she didn't know what to do.

XxXxX

He strolled along the nearly empty beach the wind catching his hair, tossing it this way and that.. But it didn't matter if the wind blew, it didn't matter if the sand stung his skin.

Nothing mattered.

His _life_, shattered.

His _dream_, cut into ribbons.

His _love_, broken.

His _heart_, sliced in half.

It was devastated, _shattered_, broken into more pieces then he would ever be able to pick up. Maybe he deserved this for the whole Rebecca debacle, maybe.

But no one deserved to be cheated on. Not like this. No one deserved to find out that the only real reason she even told him was because she didn't know who the father was.

And if Carter was anything like Sandy had known him, he would want to be a part of this child's life.

IF. He was. _If. A fifty-fifty chance. _

He was cold, on the inside and out, it had started to rain and the few people that were walking hand in hand on the beach scrambled for their cars. The only people out this late at night were either the kind that had problems, or the kind that was in love.

He didn't care about the rain.

It could have been pouring hail storms, and it wouldn't have mattered to him. It could have been a hurricane, and he could sit here nonetheless.

Can he forgive her? Could he ever forgive her? Forgiveness is such a silly word. Do you ever really forgive someone? The grudge is always there, festering slowly, would it ever go away. The next argument they had, would he bring it up and smack her in the face with those words? Would she ever look at him the same? Could he even look at her the same? He knew he had always looked at her with the utmost love in his eyes, because that's how he felt.

In love.

Now? Now he just felt hurt, wounded, like a soldier.

The child? Whose was it? If it was Carter's would he even be a part of its life? Would he and Kirsten remain married? Could he work through this? Was it his? Even if it wasn't his, did he want to be part of its life?

How would this even work.

He knew how Ryan felt at that very moment when Theresa had said she was pregnant and didn't know who the father was.

How much fear courses through his young seventeen years.

Was it even worth it anymore?

He had to ask himself that question.

_Was it? _

XxXxX

She drags herself into bed, trembling and shaking, her body shuddering against its own will. Her mind is an endless amount of questions.

Whoever said morning sickness was just in the morning was a liar.

Although it almost certainly had something to do with the events of tonight, along with her nerves, and her hormones combined.

Whichever it was it was doing a number on her…

She couldn't get warm, she couldn't stop trembling and she couldn't stop straining to hear the door creak open, listening as he might enter the room.

Her tears stain his pillow and the life she used to have, the safety that she always felt in this house, the security she always felt in his arms, and the love they created – she had always imagined it would over come everything and anything.

Now she wasn't so sure.

XxXxX

Rain poured down in buckets.

A _torrential _downpour so the weatherman called it. "An unexplained storm has popped up into the area."

That was an understatement.

A _torrential_ night.

A _torrential_ new life.

No matter how he looked at it, nothing could ever be the same.

He sighed as his body shivered and trembled uncontrollably in the _torrential _rain.

As he walked slowly back to his house, he debated upon whether he would even go in. Maybe he should just get a room at the hotel or something.

Where would he sleep so that it wouldn't make it so obvious to the boys that something was seriously wrong?

Yet.

They'd find out eventually just like he did.

He opens the door and the air conditioned house hits him, chilling his body like ice.

He doesn't care that he is tracking in wet sand.

He doesn't care that he's dripping water in the house.

He doesn't care.

Not right now.

He sighs as he realizes that he has to go into his bedroom to get a change of clothes because without he will definitely get sick with pneumonia or worse.

He's literally silent as he enters the room, walking quietly to his closet and grabbing the clothes he needs silently off the hangers.

The bedroom is empty.

There is no one there.

XxXxX

"I'm sorry to come over like this," she whispers as he ushers her in the door.

"No…It's not a problem… how are you? Both of you?" He's so concerned about her that it makes her heart skip a beat with happiness. She is almost positive that Carter wants this baby to be his.

She smiles lightly at him before her chin trembles. She clears her throat before continuing.

"Sandy knows…"

Carter looks at her with surprise. "And I'm guessing the whole reason you're here is because he didn't take the news very well."

She sniffs, "Not at all."

He nods knowingly. He wouldn't take it well if Kirsten had cheated on him with someone.

He gives her a shy smile and opens up his arms in which she willingly goes forth into and cries into his shoulder, listening as he mumbles apology after apology of "I'm sorry."

She knows.

She's sorry too. She mumbles it time and time again into his shoulder.

"Everything is just a mess! I can't lose him Carter… I simply can't," her soft plea into his shoulder made him bit his lip in confusion.

"I know," even though he doesn't. He doesn't know. He doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like to be so in love.

He knows about _heartbreak._

He knows how the _heart simply shatters._

He knows how hard it is to _pick up the pieces._

What did he expect? For her to drop Sandy like a hat and come running into his arms? For Sandy to be like, "Oh, okay sweetie, no big deal."

No.

Sandy Cohen wasn't like that. He _trusted _people.

It was his first mistake.

His second? Was the fact that Sandy had decided his dealings with Rebecca hadn't done numbers on his wife.

His third? He trusted _her._

_Completely._

_Utterly._

_Absolutely. _

It was kind of like vodka. When you drink vodka you expect one thing: To get drunk, hammered even, mind watering, selflessly indulgingly drunk. No one thinks about the hangover tomorrow morning.

That's what Kirsten did. She got drunk on him.

And then she regretted it. But this kind of hangover wasn't the kind you could drink away with water and Tylenol.

Sandy was never suspicious of her, only him. He was worried that Carter might make the moves on his wife and if it happened she would resist.

But she didn't. She didn't resist. She didn't fight.

She encouraged.

And she had broken that twenty-year trust.

Faster then you could snap your fingers.

She pulled away from him, looking at him with such sweet sorrow he had to look away. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Call me, Kirsten, if you need anything, even a shoulder to cry on." He kisses her forehead.

She smiles lightly and nods her head before leaving, brushing away the stubborn strand of blond hair that had fluttered across her beautiful features.

XxXxX

It was dark in her large house and she assumed that Sandy wasn't back yet.

She walked wearily to her bedroom closing the door softly before turning on the light.

"Where have you been?" His voice boomed over the silence of the house, startling her.

"I went out," she whispered softly, taking the in the sight of him, sitting calmly at the table, his hands folded in front of him, his piercing blue eyes boring into her soul.

His dark hair was disheveled, his eyes were red and he looked downright haggard.

"Out hmm? Out to see Carter perhaps? Out to go find someone better then me, perhaps?"

She looked down at the ground. "I just went out, Sandy." She feels bad enough, she doesn't need him to grind her into the floorboards over her guilt.

She goes to her closet to change her clothes and when she reemerges he is there, standing, looking at her dangerously.

At one point she would have taken that simply being Sandy, about him wanting to be near her, giving her the shy smile as he would watch her slowly undress before playfully dragging her to bed with him.

He had been drinking, that much was obvious. Maybe not a lot but enough that he suddenly made her nervous.

She went to pass him and he grabbed her wrist as she moved.

Instantly she flinched and recoiled.

He raised an eyebrow and moved his hand from her wrist to graze her fingertips.

"What was that?"

She bowed her head, "Nothing."

Anger flashed through his sea-blue eyes, "Kirsten, do you think I would hurt you?" His voice was low and deep as it echoes through her head. _'Kirsten, I love you.' _ It's the same deep, loving voice that said those words, not so long ago.

"…I don't know…"

It had come to this.

He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair as he looked at the fear that was upon her face. He searched her for an answer that would justify the meaning of her wincing at his touch. Had it truly come to this, did his wife think that he would just haul off and smack her around now?

"Have I _ever_ hurt you?" His voice held sadness.

"No," she whispered as she looked at the floor, ashamed.

"But you think I would? Jesus…" he drops her hand like wildfire.

"Sandy…I didn't mean it," she whimpers him.

"Of course not Kirsten. Actions speak louder then words," his voice raises slightly as she startles again.

"Sandy please, don't…"

_Go. _

_Please._

_Don't._

_Go. _

He can see it in her eyes.

He bits his lip and almost turns to go before he sighs and runs his hands through his hair. He looks at her with the patience of a child.

Should he go? It's more then obvious that she is afraid of him. She fears her own husband. He smirks at the thought before sighing instead and looks at her before looking at their lonely bed.

Wordlessly he goes over to the bed and pulls back the covers, and waits as she follows his lead, walking past him at a snails pace, cautiously.

He waited patiently as she crawled into bed as he pulled the covers up to her chin.

Leaning over he kisses her forehead softly before squeezing her hand and watches as she closes her eyes against his gentle touch.

"Despite everything, I still love you, I still need you, and I won't lose you. I just need some time…"

He placed his hand on her stomach, softly and she opens her eyes and sighed gently, watching him.

"I don't want you to worry, okay?"

_Despite whomever the father is. _

She nodded and wiped away a stray tear. He doesn't have to say those words; they resonate in both of their minds.

He turned the light off and slowly walked out the room, shutting the door so softly she had to strain to hear it.

XxXxX

When Seth grumbled softly to himself he instantly knew something was wrong.

His father was on the couch.

So that meant a fight.

Or something?

What was up with the two of them lately anyway?

He goes into the kitchen to get cereal as he eats from the box.

His Dad stumbles in slowly, going to the freshly brewed pot, savoring the smell of it.

"Hey Pops, did the old lady kick you to the curb last night?" He jokes.

"Your mother and I are taking a break for a while."

He chokes on his cereal.

"A break? What is that? Like a break? Like a Kit-Kat? I don't understand a break? Like a lunchtime thing, a five-minute copout? A hey I'm canceling dinner you can be mad at me?"

"Better get ready for school, son," he left an open mouthed Seth in the kitchen.

No reason to beat around the bush, he and Ryan would find out eventually whether it was from the high tension in the house or the rumors.

Seth stared at his fathers back.

A break?

That can't be good.

XxXxX


	3. Moments

Remember in the beginning of Season 2, when Sandy flipped out at Archie and everyone was surprised? Well, he deserved to. I'm going to try to use that inside rage that he has, to fuel this story…

Keep reviewing! Cause you all are awesome and I get really bored at work…

Mr. Destiny – thank you for your insight…I didn't really look at things that way – but you have a very good point and I am definitely taking into consideration what you said. Thank You.

Even you lurkers! I see you. Lol. The button that says Review? Yeah you should press it…

XxXxX

"_All you need is love."_

_-I am Sam_

XxXxX

He was in his office taping away at his computer when she waltzed in, anger upon her attractive features.

"YOU told Seth WE were taking a _BREAK_?" A hand upon her hip, cheeks heated with a dazzling flushed pink and her fierce blue eyes glared into his calm ones was a sight to behold. She looked tired, angered, aggravated. Sandy attributed some of these to her pregnancy, some of them could be his fault, but he guessed she hadn't slept well.

Neither had he, to be honest.

He looked up amused. "Well, what would you like me to tell him Kirsten? His mother cheated on his father and now is pregnant and doesn't know by whom?"

She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it, shutting her eyes and sighing loudly.

"Are you drinking already?" she accused him slightly, but more or less asked with apprehension.

He chuckled, "Gee, it never seems to bother you when you have a problem," as he took a sip of his non-alcoholic coffee, raising his eyebrows in enjoyment.

"Sandy!" she said softly, in the way that she had always tried to scold him but yet it came out so rushed, so sexy.

It gave him goosebumps.

"WHAT? They're not stupid Kirsten. They know when something is wrong with us, this affects them too! Do you think they wouldn't notice us not talking, not goofing around like we normally do?"

The anger in his voice made her flinch inwardly.

She twisted her wedding bands as a cloud of emotions played upon her face. "Sandy we're married…this isn't like a girlfriend/boyfriend fight…"

"EXACTLY! WE'RE MARRIED! DID THAT NOT CROSS YOUR MIND WHEN YOU SLEPT WITH CARTER, GODDAMNIT!" He hit the table with his hand, making his glass jump and startling her.

This wasn't her Sandy. Anger flashed in his blue eyes while his shoulders tensed as he awaited her response.

Then again, what was she to expect?

What was she to say to that?

Her face paled, "I'm sorry," she walked out of the room quietly.

"Damnit," he whispered softly, that was entirely not what he wanted to say, or how he wanted to react. He was blowing this, he was doing something he didn't want to do, and this isn't how he wanted to be. While trying to be understanding was nearly impossible – he could do one thing even though he shouldn't.

He could be civil, even if most people thought he shouldn't be.

He sighed.

This was going to be harder then he ever thought possible.

XxXxX

"DUDE! Ryan, my Mom and Dad are taking a Kit-Kat!"

"What?"

"A Kit-Kat… a break!" He huffed, his hands thrashing about wildly, his brown eyes wide and his stance visibly shaken.

"Oh, good, they deserve one," he grinned in Seth's direction, oblivious to his worried look as he continued throwing notebooks and various items into the pack. "Where are they going?" He scratched his head as he turned away, looking for something.

Seth stared back at him open-mouthed.

"NO! Like a divorce type break! Not a vacation type!" He yelped.

That caught his attention.

Ryan dropped his book bag. "Wouldn't it have been easier for you to tell me a break, instead of a Kit-Kat!" His blue eyes flashed quickly at Seth.

"I suppose…I thought you knew the song," he shrugged.

"Seth, we're not doing the whole G.P. R.A. thing again, are we?"

"No that was too confusing…but what do we do?" Seth flopped down wearily on the bed.

Ryan sat down on his bed and peered up at Seth through his blond bangs. "It's serious isn't it?"

He nodded his head feverishly.

"Did you ask your Mom about it?"

"Yeah, man, she got really teary eyed and then stormed off to find Dad."

"Wow," he cocked his head sideways, "She ran off to find Sandy. So she's like not even aware of it?"

"That's just it! I don't know!" He miffed in his own Seth-like way, shaking his head and his hands wildly about, letting Ryan's brain help him figure out this situation.

"There has to be more to it…"

"Are you thinking of spying, Mr. Atwood? Ryan, Ryan Atwood. Shaken, not stirred. You know I like that idea, we can snoop around the house, drive cool cars, get hot babes."

Ryan glared.

"Yeah, okay, too minty, I get your drift. Well, we can at least try and eavesdrop and see what we can hear." He looked down at his shoes as if they had the answer.

Ryan nodded.

It was better then nothing.

XxXxX

It was late in the evening before Sandy spoke to her again. He had gone out to his office and surfed, letting go of his current thoughts of Kirsten and Carter. It was hard to do, and after falling off his board three times he realized he needed to concentrate on surfing and forgetting about the past few days. But her words kept going through his head.

'_I have to tell you something. It might not be yours. I have to tell you something. It might not be yours. I slept with Carter. It might not be yours.'_

'_Yours._

_Might not be._

_Yours._

_Might not be yours, Sandy.'_

But when he had finished he realized one thing.

She had hurt him. No, rather she had taken a knife to his gut, and twisted it around. Now, no matter what he couldn't let that go, not right now.

Not while living with her. He would only make her feel worse, he would only bring her down, and he couldn't do that, not with her being pregnant. He would not carry the guilt of Kirsten miscarrying, on top of everything.

His or not.

He poked his head in around the door, watching her as she sat at the small table her hands crossed and her chin placed delicately upon them.

She looks up at him wearily, almost prepared for a fight.

He smiles gently at her, giving her a tender wayward glance. "Do you want to take a walk?"

She gives him a soft smile, barely noticeable. "Okay…" but her voice holds fear for what he might say.

He holds his hand out to her and she takes it.

They walk down the beach, hand in hand, like nothing had happened but by Sandy's tense behavior she knew something was wrong – well, other then the obvious.

They walked slowly and with each silent step down the sandy beach she worried more and more.

_Each silent footstep meant that something was wrong. _

_Each silent footstep meant that he had come to a decision. _

_Each silent footstep made her heart pounded more loudly. _

_Each silent footstep she held her breath. _

He stopped and let go of her hand, turning away to look at the gorgeous sunset that had dazzled the sky with orange, red, and hazy yellows. It was such a beautiful evening for such distracting and almost surely bad news.

He didn't look at her, but instead out at the ocean as the blue waves lapped at the shore. He never thought he would be here, debating on how to tell his wife that he wasn't going to be there with her. Despite the vows he had taken, twenty years ago.

'_Do you promise to love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others…'_

He kept his end of the bargain. But, apparently, she didn't take those sacred words to heart and soul like he had.

His dark hair was blowing around and sometimes strands fluttered across his tired face. He spoke slowly, as if debating about what he was going to tell her.

_How he should tell her._

"I'm going to move into my office, for a while. Give you some space and it will give me more time to think." He bit his lip before continuing. "It's just that every time I see you, I see him. _I see you _with_ him_ and I can't even tell you how that brings about these feelings of anger and resentment that I have. And, when I look at you, I feel so angry that anything I say will hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, despite what you've done to me. I just think that it will be better if we take some time apart, and think about what we want. What we both want. If I'm even want you want anymore…" the last part came out as a rushed whisper. Regardless of what she had done to him, he hoped she still wanted him, still needed him, like he needed her.

He turned to her, giving her a small frown at the tears that were flowing down her cheeks at a rains pace.

"I'm so sorry Sandy," the look on her tearstained face was breaking his heart. He never wanted any of this.

"Me too," he whispered softly against the breeze and the pounding of the waves. He chuckles softly, "I love you more then words, Kirsten, more than anything. But I just can't do this right now, and not especially since…the last thing I want to do is cause you any pain, or stress, and I will if I'm around, because I can't let it go."

She turns away from him, his words and realizations coming to hit her full force.

_Despite everything, he still thinks of her first._

_Despite everything, he still doesn't want to hurt her._

_Despite everything, he still loves her. _

He just needs time.

"When?" her voice is barely a whisper as she wipes away the tears.

"Tomorrow."

"But you'll stay tonight?"

He nods, confirming her thoughts, "If it's what you want, I'll stay tonight."

_I'll stay tonight. _

XxXxX

"Sit."

"Dad, if this is about the pool filter…"

"Seth! Sit!" Tired of his sons excuses he raises his voice.

Seth scrambled for a seat as Ryan peered up with inquisitive blue eyes under the blond bangs.

Kirsten was upstairs; she couldn't handle their looks, the shock, the surprise, the possible hatred, the confusion. She couldn't bear to witness it.

"Your Mom and I… we're taking some time apart."

He anticipated their first question of _"Why?"_

"We're just having their problems."

He knew their second, _"Where are you going?"_

"To stay at my office for a while."

Their third question was a given. _"How long?" _

"I don't know."

All of those were from Seth. He babbled trying to get the most from his father, but Sandy wouldn't budge.

"Was it something we did?" Ryan sighed softly, nervously awaiting Sandy's answer. _Was it something I did? _He could see it in his eyes.

He looked at him, shocked and caught off guard. "No! Of course not. It was nothing you guys did at all. None of this is your fault, believe me. Nothing is going to change, I'm still going to be over here all the time, and I'm still going to be your old annoying Dad. I just need to sort through these - issues."

They were silent.

Sandy was silent.

Finally it was Seth who stood up and stalked angrily away.

The Cohen house had just been rocked and shaken.

_Humpy Dumpty had just fallen off the wall. _

_And all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put him back together again…._

Who would be there to pick up the pieces?

XxXxX

"Did you tell them?" her voice was barely a whisper.

"Yes, I told them," he said as he walked into his closet to grab a change of clothes.

"Did you tell them why?"

He poked his head out, "You mean did I tell them that you slept with Carter and are now pregnant? No Kirsten, I'm leaving that for you."

It wasn't meant to sound harsh, but it did, and he bit his tongue before he said anything else.

"Sandy…" she exasperated but he had disappeared again into his closet.

Sighing, she pulls back the covers and slides underneath them, relishing the feel of the expensive sheets against her smooth body.

He left the room silently, leaving the door open as he went downstairs and made sure the main door was locked. He doesn't know why, its not like people don't just sneak around the back anyway.

He didn't know why he was nervous about slipping into bed with someone who he had slept beside every night for the past twenty years.

Maybe because this would be the last time, for a long time… maybe.

Slowly he climbed the stairs, knowing that with each step it would be the last time he climbed these stairs at night, as normal.

He pulled the covers back on his side, sliding in behind her like he had done so many times in the past.

It felt odd not to pull her body instantly to his. If he did it would make her think other things and he didn't want her getting ideas that this was okay, that they were okay.

Because it wasn't and they weren't.

He couldn't help it as he reached around and put a gentle pressure against her stomach, urging her to come closer to him.

She moved as close as she could, her back pressed fully against his chest, her legs intertwined with his, his heartbeat thumping against her back, she trembled lightly as he kissed her shoulder out of habit.

He realized how much he was going to miss this, how much he had already missed this.

He spoke his thoughts aloud in a soft whisper, "I'm going to miss this."

She shivered harder against him. "Don't talk like it's over Sandy..." she said quietly as he held her.

_Please tell me it's not over. _

_Please, it can't be over. _

_Please, we can overcome this._

_Please, forgive me. _

He said nothing as he tightened his hold upon his wife. He didn't realize how hard this was going to be on himself.

He had a lot of things to come to terms with, other then Kirsten's mistake. He had better search his feelings true and hard.

He hoped he was doing the right thing.

XxXxX


End file.
